


himbofication soup

by chocolatechip



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Chatting & Messaging, Deaf Clint Barton, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), M/M, Minor Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Textfic, Texting, chatfic, i tried so hard to leave the x-men out but i failed, if ur a strictly mcu person then here's ur chance to learn about the xmen i guess lol, wanda's pronouns are she/they and vision's are he/they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29319555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatechip/pseuds/chocolatechip
Summary: Clint: guys it’s too early for this cmon i’m trying to sleepSteve: …………...it’s 11 am??Clint: not everyone has a perfect sleep schedule like YOU steveTony: okay mood but clint ur a mess
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 13
Kudos: 85





	himbofication soup

**Author's Note:**

> hi! yet again, i have another chatfic. but this time it's a oneshot!!!! (maybe a sequel coming?? mayb e?????) anyway, i cant really think of anything else to say, so enjoy!!!! :)

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Sunday, 10:55 am**

**Tony:** what the fuck who changed the chat name

**Tony:** cows say moo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Bucky:** no, they say eeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhh or meeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**Tony:** what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Clint:** guys it’s too early for this cmon i’m trying to sleep

**Steve:** …………...it’s 11 am??

**Clint:** not everyone has a perfect sleep schedule like YOU steve

**Tony:** okay mood but clint ur a mess

**Clint:** thank you

**Bucky:** clint our sleep schedules should align

**Bucky:** like wlw couples whose periods align

**Natasha:** james what do you think wlw couples are like

**Bucky:** am i wrong tho

**Natasha:** no

**Clint:** ok but we’re not a couple

**Bucky:** ok but we’re a brouple

**Tony:** wtf is a brouple

**Bucky:** a bro couple obviously

**Bucky:** besides i can’t date clint anyway bc i’m saving myself for sam

**Sam:** ur what

**Bucky:** what

**Tony:** wait guys i wanna try something sound off when it applies to you

**Tony:** every friend group has:

**Tony:** a bimbo

**Steve:** here

**Thor:** here

**Tony:** a mean bisexual

**Bucky:** here

**Pepper:** here

**Wanda:** here

**Tony:** here

**Tony:** an even meaner lesbian

**Natasha:** here

**Tony:** she/theys

**Wanda:** here

**Loki:** here

**Tony:** he/theys

**Vis:** here

**Loki:** here

**Tony:** a token straight that’s on thin ice

**Tony:** no one? really?

**Tony:** wow

**Tony:** an astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized

**Loki:** cough thor that’s you

**Thor:** >:(

**Tony:** and a short king

**Bucky:** that’s you bitch

**Tony:** fuck you

**Tony:** okay who didn’t sound off

**Sam:** me

**Bruce:** me

**Rhodey:** me

**Clint:** me

**Tony:** sam ur a bimbo, rhodey and clint ur mean bisexuals, bruce ur a short king,

**Bruce:** i’m taller than you tho

**Tony:** yeah but ur shorter than thor

**Steve:** tony

**Tony:** what’s up

**Steve:** everyone is shorter than thor

**Tony:** :/

**Clint:** hey btw what’s loki doing in here anyway??

**Thor:** he’s trying to be nicer, aren’t you loki?

**Loki:** yeah yeah whatever

**Thor:** well. i said “try”

**_family <3_ **

**Sunday, 12:34 pm**

**Erik:** I am going to lunch with Charles. Would you two prefer to make yourselves lunch or have me bring something back for you and have a late lunch?

**Pietro:** everytime i see the gc name i die inside

**Pietro:** it’s so cringe

**Erik:** There’s a heart because I love you.

**Pietro:** :/

**Wanda:** would you please bring something back for us?

**Wanda:** shut up pietro

**Pietro:** no u

**Erik:** Yes, what would you like?

**Wanda:** anything with fries please. vis said he’d like a veggie burger.

**Erik:** Vis is at home with you?

**Wanda:** is that okay?

**Erik:** Yes, Vis is responsible and he is a good partner for you.

**Wanda:** aw, thanks dad

**Pietro:** vis is a boring vegetarian

**Wanda:** tro i am this close to sharpying your most expensive running shoes

**Pietro:** you wouldn’t dare

**Wanda:** i’m uncapping the marker right now

**Erik:** Wanda, don’t destroy Pietro’s shoes. Pietro, don’t insult Wanda’s partner. Pietro, what would you like for lunch?

**Pietro:** dino nuggets

**Erik:** I will get you regular chicken nuggets.

**Pietro:** :/

**Erik:** I will be home around 1:30 or 2:00. There are snacks in the pantry if you get hungry. Love you.

**Wanda:** thanks, dad!! <3

**Pietro:** thanks. if charles isn’t our stepdad by next year, i’m running away

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Sunday, 12:40 pm**

**Sam:** bucky just showed me pictures from middle school and i was not prepared

**Tony:** tell me right now

**Sam:** i’ll go from least surprising to most surprising

**Sam:** bucky had a fuck ton of pimples

**Bucky:** hey :(

**Clint:** it’s okay babe your skin is glowing now

**Bucky:** thanks babe ily

**Sam:** bucky was emo

**Bucky:** sam if you dont stfu right now i will replaces ur legos with megablocks

**Sam:** ha bitch i gave you all my legos two months ago

**Bucky:** oh yeah

**Sam:** steve had a gf

**Steve:** i miss peggy :( we broke up bc we were like 12 but she’s one of my best friends. we don’t really talk anymore tho :(

**Bucky:** rip

**Sam:** now for the real shocker

**Sam:** STEVE USED TO BE A SKINNY ASS STRING BEAN. A STICK. LITERALLY JUST SKIN AND BONES

**Tony:** so he didn’t come out of the womb buff af???????

**Clint:** my whole life is a lie

**Natasha:** you guys didn’t know this??

**Tony:** you knew?????????????????????

**Natasha:** i know everything about everyone

**Clint:** it’s true she does

**Tony:** ………………...okay anyway…………………………

**1:48 pm**

**Wanda:** hey motherfuckers guess who got mac n cheese and a blizzard!

**Bucky:** what if ur lactose intolerant

**Bruce:** isn’t it an iceberg?

**Clint:** i thought it was a concrete

**Steve:** i think those are just fancy names for sundae

**Wanda:** this bitch!!!

**Vis:** i got a veggie burger and a sundae too :)

**Steve:** where did you guys go?

**Wanda:** my dad was on a date and he brought food back for us

**Vis:** wanda’s dad is very nice. i feel so welcomed into their family

**Wanda:** he thinks of you like the son he never had

**Clint:** what about pietro?

**Wanda:** pietro is a bitch ass hoe

**Clint:** understandable

**Bucky:** you guys are so sickeningly adorable and it makes me want to puke

**Wanda:** awww thanks :)

**Bucky:** ew

**Clint:** but babe aren’t we adorable? :(

**Bucky:** no we’re sexy and hot

**Clint:** no, YOU’RE sexy and hot

**Bucky:** doll you’re just looking in the mirror ;)

**Clint:** i don’t think i can come up with something better than that

**Sam:** you two are disgusting

**Bucky:** that’s homophobic :/

**Sam:** [image sent] [ID: “guess i’ll die” meme with “die” blacked out and replaced with “homophobe”]

**_grucci gang_ **

**Sunday, 4:20 pm**

**Loki:** 420 blaze it

**Thor:** loki you don’t even do weed

**Loki:** why do you bully me :(

**Thor:** no!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Loki:** ur so mean :(

**Thor:** :(

**Brun:** loki stop messing with thor

**Loki:** you ruin all the fun

**Brun:** oh no i care so much

**Bruce:** hey why am i in this groupchat

**Thor:** because you’re a good friend and we all survived a group project together :)

**Loki:** i wasn’t in ur project??????? and it was last year????????????

**Thor:** yeah but you need to make more friends

**Loki:** excuse me

**Thor:** :)

**Loki:** hey banner i know the real reason ur here

**Thor:** loki pls

**Loki:** :)

**Thor:** loki

**Loki:** ugh fine it’s more fun to watch you be an idiot anyway

**Brun:** bruce, korg, do you want to go to the library with me tomorrow after school?

**Bruce:** sure!!

**Korg:** fuck yeah mate

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Sunday, 4:22 pm**

**Thor:** loki stop exposing me to my crush :(

**Loki:** it’s fun

**Thor:** :(

**Hela:** i hate being the oldest

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Sunday, 4:23 pm**

**Tony:** i can’t believe i missed 4:20

**Loki:** i didn’t ;)

**Tony:** i hate you

**Rhodey:** tony don’t you have homework

**Tony:** lol no

**Rhodey:** yeah you told me that you would do it on sunday

**Tony:** h

**Tony:** existence is a prison

**Rhodey:** lmao he won’t be back for a while

**Pepper:** we’re no strangers to love

**Rhodey:** NO

**Natasha:** i got you babe

**Natasha:** YOU KNOW THE RULES AND SO DO I

**Pepper:** A FULL COMMITMENT’S WHAT I’M THINKIN OF

**Natasha:** YOU WOULDNT GET THIS FROM ANYYY OTHER GUY

**Pepper:** I JUST WANNA TELL YOU HOW I’M FEELING

**Natasha:** GOTTA MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND

**Bucky:** _NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP_

**Pepper:** NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN

**Natasha:** NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOU

**Pepper:** NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY

**Natasha:** NEVER GONNA SAYYYYY GOODBYE

**Pepper:** NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOUUUUU

**Rhodey:** i wish i didnt have eyes so i didnt have to see this

**Pepper:** oh please james, if it was just a chat of me, you, and tony, you would have sang along too

**Rhodey:** this is homophobic

**Pepper:** [image sent] [ID: the same meme Sam sent “guess i’ll homophobe”]

**_Clint > Natasha_ **

**Monday, 2:03 am**

**Clint:** hey

**Natasha:** what’s up?

**Clint:** i dont feel good

**Natasha:** is it getting bad again or are you sick?

**Clint:** bad

**Natasha:** okay i’m coming over

**Clint:** no it’s okay, i just feel so awful

**Natasha:** have you talked to your dad about getting therapy or meds?

**Clint:** as if he would listen to me :/

**Clint:** i feel so numb and i really want to cry but my eyes are staying dry

**Natasha:** if you have the energy to come to school tomorrow (today??) i think you should see the school psychologist

**Clint:** yeah ur right

**Clint:** thanks for letting me vent

**Natasha:** hey

**Natasha:** i love you

**Clint:** love you too

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Monday, 6:32 am**

**Tony:** i hate waking up early

**Bucky:** ikr like give me 5 more minutes

**Tony:** or 5 more hours

**Steve:** it’s not that bad!!

**Tony:** actually fuck you

**Steve:** i dedicate my entire life to our lord and saviour jesus christ and THIS IS THE THANKS I GET???????????????????????

**Bucky:** dramatic hoe

**9:58 am**

**Steve:** you guys know that kid scott summers?

**Sam:** the one who always wears the red sunglasses?

**Bucky:** yeah what’s up with that

**Wanda:** he has an eye condition

**Bucky:** how do you know that

**Wanda:** he’s my friend?????????????????

**Bruce:** you’re friends with scott summers?

**Wanda:** yeah he’s really nice but he kind of has that face that you just wanna punch

**Sam:** bucky has that face :)

**Bucky:** :(

**Wanda:** anyway what’s up steve?

**Steve:** i have to do a project with him but i dont really know him so i was just wondering if u guys did?

**Wanda:** yeah!! don’t worry, with the two of you combined, you’ll definitely ace the project

**Steve:** awww thanks wanda :)

**Tony:** wait steve i thought you hated summers

**Steve:** why would i hate him????? i dont even know him

**Tony:** hm weird

**Steve:** wanda said he’s nice and i trust her judgement lmao

**_early tumblr emo aesthetic_ **

**Monday, 11:03 am**

**Wanda:** does anyone want to go to the shoe store with me after school? i really want those platform boots i saw a while ago

**Pietro:** i guess. i could always use some more running shoes

**Vis:** i will go as well. i’ve been meaning to buy bunny slippers.

**Pietro:** ur an actual dad

**Vis:** ...thank you?

**Wanda:** what about you clint?

**Clint:** nah sorry i’m not feeling the pog today

**Pietro:** but dude you are the only thing keeping me from being a third wheel

**Wanda:** you can bring someone if you want tro

**Pietro:** so it’s a double date to a shoe store.

**Wanda:** we live exciting lives

**Vis:** everyday is an adventure

**_Pietro > Loki_ **

**Monday, 11:05 am**

**Pietro:** hey bitch wanna go to the shoe store with me and wanda and their boy toy

**Loki:** who would i be if i said no

**Loki:** i’ve had my eyes on those platform boots so this is an opportunity

**Pietro:** wow you and wanda are going to kill each other

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Monday, 2:38 pm**

**Thor:** thou hast not drinketh soup from thy hand of thy dearest himbo, thou hast not lived. deadeth asseth

**Tony:** hey thor what the fuck does this mean

**Bruce:** i have no clue if the old english is right or not but:

**Bruce:** “if you haven’t drank soup from a himbo’s hand, then you haven’t lived. deadass.”

**Bruce:** -thor, 20XX

**Tony:** i can read the words now but i have no idea what the fuck they say

**Bruce:** sorry thor is laughing really hard right now and he’ss sfjksjfkhjkf f s fsawefd f cvfds

**Tony:** what the fuck

**Natasha:** stop texting in class

**Natasha:** okay i’m a little scared right now because i usually know everything but i have no idea what the fuck thor sent

**Steve:** he’s right tho

**Tony:** huh

**Natasha:** what

**Steve:** yeah you haven’t lived unless you drank soup from a himbo’s hand deadass

**Natasha:** explain

**Steve:** it’s how you become a himbo. kind of like how vampires become vampires, instead of blood you drink soup.

**Tony:** thanks that makes so much sense

**Natasha:** yes i understand everything now

**Natasha:** (i understand nothing)

**Tony:** (same)

**3:17 pm**

**Rhodey:** Vis why do babies smell so fresh

**Vis:** because they’re very fresh

**Bucky:** cuz they have been marinated so i may eat them

**Steve:** can we eat them

**Tony:** this sounds suspiciously like comments i saw on a hank green tiktok

**Rhodey:** haha what no who’s hank green

**Vis:** i have never heard of hank green

**Bucky:** do you mean john green?

**Steve:** do you mean frankie jonas?

**Tony:** i pray every day for lizzo to strike me dead

**Bucky:** lizzo loves u too much to kill u

**Tony:** shit ur right

**_Brunn created a groupchat_ **

**_Brunn added Bruce and Korg_ **

**_Brunn named groupchat_ ** **_Bruce’s Giant Crush_ **

**Monday, 3:18 pm**

**Brunn:** since we’re supposed to be quiet at the library i created this gc to talk about something very important

**Bruce:** oh my god

**Brunn:** bruce when are you going to do something about your giant fucking crush on mr himbo

**Korg:** i think you should just be honest and tell him

**Korg:** if he doesn’t reciprocate then you’ll just keep being friends

**Brunn:** i was thinking something along the lines of scheming but yeah no that’s way better. plus, all three of us know that thor feels the same way

**Bruce:** what the fuck whst the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

**Bruce:** literally what the fuck

**Bruce:** ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god

**Korg:** oh no we broke him

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Monday, 3:32 pm**

**Thor:** i just like him so much and what if he doesn’t like me back?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????what do i do??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? 

**Loki:** okay well for one thing i’m very glad i always keep my phone on silent because i’m at the shoe store rn

**Hela:** oh if you get me a pair of those platform boots i’ll pay you back

**Loki:** no

**Hela:** pronouns?

**Loki:** sher/her

**Hela:** you are the worst little sister ever

**Loki:** :/

**Thor:** guys pls i’m having a dilemmaaaadfkhshifjodisf

**Loki:** yeah okay? i’m trying to find the coolest pair of platform boots before wanda and if i lose then i’m stuck with the less cool pair

**Hela:** yeah and i’m busy doing important college things

**Loki:** then why is your bitmoji at starbucks

**Hela:** mind your own business you parasite

**Thor:** i feel so unappreciated in this family

**Loki:** at least father actually loves you

**Hela:** at least you’re father’s favorite

**Thor:** okay touche but pls give me relationship advice im desperate and sad :(

**Thor:** also if you think father does anything more than tolerate me ur on crack

**Hela:** ugh whatever idk just tell him??

**Loki:** as nauseating as it is to type this, i agree with hela

**Thor:** i’ll never forgive either of you if this doesn’t work

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Monday, 5:01 pm**

**Wanda:** it is my pleasure to announce that i am now the proud owner of cool as fuck platform boots

**Loki:** i have less cool ones :/

**Vis:** i have bunny slippers :)

**_Wanda added Pietro_ **

**Pietro:** bro why am i here bro come on bro

**Wanda:** tell everyone what you got

**Pietro:** i got epic poggers running shoes

**Natasha:** i don’t think you used poggers right

**Wanda:** what else did you get pietro?

**Pietro:** fuck you

**Wanda:** :)

**Pietro:** fine

**Pietro:** i got those ballerina sketchers with the twirly things that let you spin

**Tony:** didn’t like every grade school ban those?

**Pietro:** i bought them for the crime

**Tony:** understandable, carry on

**10:48 pm**

**Tony:** yall let’s do another roll call, sound off if it applies

**Tony:** goodnight to:

**Tony:** people with daddy issues

**Tony:** here

**Thor:** here

**Loki:** here

**Clint:** here

**Bruce:** here

**Pietro:** tempted to say here

**Tony:** those who project onto fictional characters an unhealthy amount

**Steve:** here

**Bruce:** here

**Tony:** sexy bitches

**Tony:** here duh

**Natasha:** here

**Pietro:** here

**Pepper:** here

**Loki:** here

**Steve:** here

**Clint:** here

**Thor:** here

**Bruce:** here

**Bucky:** here

**Sam:** here

**Wanda:** here

**Vis:** here

**Rhodey:** here

**Tony:** here

**Rhodey:** you already said here

**Tony:** yeah but i’m a sexy bitch

**Tony:** anyone who has under $20 in their bank account

**Bucky:** here

**Steve:** here

**Natasha:** here

**Clint:** here

**Tony:** unemployed bastards

**Sam:** do any of us have jobs :/

**Pepper:** we should seriously get some

**Steve:** yeah man i’m sick of being poor

**Tony:** people who miss going to the library

**Bruce:** i would but i went today so

**Wanda:** here

**Thor:** here

**Tony:** anyone who read warrior cats books in their youth

**Wanda:** here

**Steve:** here

**Tony:** why am i not surprised

**Steve:** hey :/

**Tony:** people who identified with jack from the magic tree house series as a kid

**Bucky:** who

**Sam:** who

**Tony:** smh where’s ur childhood

**Tony:** el gee bee tees

**Tony:** here

**Steve:** here

**Natasha:** here

**Clint:** here

**Thor:** here

**Bruce:** here

**Bucky:** here

**Sam:** here

**Loki:** here

**Wanda:** here

**Pepper:** here

**Vis:** here

**Rhodey:** here

**Pietro:** here

**Tony:** girls with no ass

**Pepper:** ….here

**Loki:** fuck you i have an ass

**Tony:** anyone who had an obsession with orlando bloom as a preteen

**Sam:** can we all just agree that everyone did

**Natasha:** yeah

**Rhodey:** yeah

**Pietro:** yeah

**Tony:** lipgloss wearers

**Wanda:** here

**Loki:** here

**Pepper:** here

**Vis:** occasionally

**Tony:** and people that desperately want to get railed

**Clint:** woah there buddy let’s keep this pg-13

**Tony:** i got it off tumblr so blame them :(

**Pepper:** as if you’re not part of that “them”

**Tony:** there’s no shame in having a tumblr account

**Natasha:** yeah babe it sounds like you’re in denial

**Pepper:** :(

**Natasha:** i’m sorry ily <3

**Pepper:** :)

**Bucky:** disGUSTAN

**Clint:** that feeling when you take your shirt off and your hearing aids fall out and you CANT FIND THEM so now you’re Deaf Naked and Afraid

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Tuesday, 12:00 am**

**Thor:** i can’t do it

**_Clint > Natasha_ **

**Tuesday, 12:03 am**

**Clint:** today was a really shitty day but i’m feeling better now?? i have for like an hour??

**Natasha:** i’m proud of you clint <3

**Clint:** back to our regularly scheduled mild depression! *finger guns*

**Natasha:** did you talk to the school psychologist?

**Clint:** ……………….no

**Natasha:** :l

**Clint:** :l

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Tuesday, 12:05 am**

**Hela:** dammit, thor

**Loki:** dammit, thor

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Tuesday, 12:29 pm**

**Bucky:** wow so we all skipped tuesday morning huh

**Clint:** babe

**Bucky:** lover

**Clint:** sweetie

**Bucky:** darling

**Clint:** my love

**Bucky:** doll

**Clint:** honey bun

**Bucky:** sweaty

**Clint:** pocket lint

**Bucky:** my one true love <3

**Clint:** my heart <3

**Vis:** and you call me and wanda gross :/

**Wanda:** yeah what the fuck

**Clint:** excuse me we’re in love

**Bruce:** excuse me some of us are single over here

**Loki:** not for long

**Thor:** loki i stg if you dont SHUT

**Pepper:** if you’re single say your favorite food

**Rhodey:** lasagna

**Loki:** was gonna say ass but yeah lasagna would be so good rn

**Sam:** gogurt

**Bucky:** ok same but why

**Sam:** it’s like ur sucking the juices out of a mushroom

**Bucky:** thanks i dont understand

**Bruce:** sandwich

**Clint:** the last french fry at the bottom of the back

**Pietro:** ass

**Loki:** you stole my thing :(

**Thor:** the tears of my enemies

**Bruce:** but you dont have any?

**Loki:** excuse me i’m right here

**Pepper:** if you’re in a relationship say your partner’s name

**Pepper:** natasha <3

**Natasha:** pepper <3

**Wanda:** vis <3

**Vis:** wanda <3

**Clint:** buckeroo <3

**Bucky:** clintorus <3

**Sam:** you’re not dating tho??

**Clint:** excuse me we’re a brouple

**Bucky:** a bromance, if you will

**_Sam > Steve_ **

**Tuesday, 12:35 pm**

**Sam:** i hate bucky

**Sam:** he’s so annoying and stupid and he makes me feel weird when he looks at me like That and during 3rd period he touched my hand for too long when he gave my pencil back and that made me re ally nervous and gave me butterflies in my stomach and his hair is dumb

**Steve:** wait for it

**12:41 pm**

**Sam:** oh my god i like him

**Steve:** there it is

**_family <3_ **

**Tuesday, 1:16 pm**

**Erik:** Just wanted to let you two know that Charles is coming over for dinner tonight.

**Wanda:** marry him already

**Pietro:** wow dad that’s kinda gay :/ you got a crush on him or something?

**Erik:** You’re both grounded.

**Pietro:** even if you were serious, remember the last night you tried to ground us?

**Wanda:** yeah, we escaped through the windows and ran to dairy queen

**Pietro:** and as 11 y/o’s that’s gotta count for something

**Erik:** I am choosing to ignore you both.

**Erik:** Wanda, if you would like to bring Vis for dinner, you may. Pietro, if there is a certain someone you would like to bring, you may.

**Pietro:** gross

**Wanda:** thanks, dad!

**Pietro:** btw are you and charles official yet?? i need to know when to start making my kickass wedding powerpoint

**Wanda:** we both know you’re going to make it on google slides

**Pietro:** anyway,

**Erik:** If you would truly like to know, Charles and I have discussed romance but we are not together yet. We dated a bit in college until we lost touch.

**Pietro:** eww i dont want to know about my dads love life

**Erik:** You asked.

**Wanda:** yeah pietro :/ don’t ask if you don’t want an answer

**Pietro:** :/

**Erik:** I have to go back to work now. Love you both.

**Wanda:** love you dad :)

**Pietro:** love you dad >:(

**Wanda:** turn that frown upside down

**Pietro:** ):<

**Wanda:** that’s my bad

**_Bruce > Thor_ **

**Tuesday, 3:51 pm**

**Thor:** hi

**Bruce:** hi

**Thor:** so,,,, there’s something i wanted to talk to you about

**Bruce:** me too

**Thor:** you can go first

**Bruce:** no, please, you go first

**Thor:** that’s okay, you can go

**Bruce:** neither of us will go if we keep doing this

**Thor:** yeah, you’re right

**Bruce:** well,, since you brought it up,,?

**Thor:** yes okay

**Thor:** hooooooooooooooo boy

**Thor:** can i have a minute

**Bruce:** sure!!

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Tuesday, 3:54 pm**

**Thor:** OH MY GOD OKAY HERE WE GO

**Loki:** FUCK YEAH

**Loki:** AND IF YOU CRASH AND BURN I CAN MAKE FUN OF YOU

**Thor:** NOT HELPING :(

**Loki:** it’s my job as the little sibling

**Hela:** i guess it’s my job as the oldest to reassure you and make sure you’re okay but tbh idc

**Thor:** :’(

**Hela:** ugh fine whatever you’re my little brother and i love you but i also hate you

**Thor:** why am i the only hunk in between two emos

**Hela:** excuse me i’m punk goth

**Loki:** excuse me i’m gay goth

**Hela:** you stole my style

**Thor:** you’re both awful

**_Bruce > Thor_ **

**Tuesday, 3:56**

**Thor:** okay i’m here and i’m ready now!

**Thor:** can i just be 100% honest right now?

**Bruce:** a little freaked out now but sure dude

**Thor:** okay okay okay so usually i’m not nervous about stuff like this at all. i would have told you at school but i probably would have thrown up and that would be so embarassing anyway i think you’re so sweet and so smart and so beautiful and i really, really like you

**4:02**

**Thor:** bruce?

**Thor:** you there?

**Thor:** oh my god i fucked up

**Bruce:** no!! i just,, i had to process what you sent

**Bruce:** that’s actually what i was going to tell you

**Bruce:** i really, really like you too

**Thor:** do you want to talk about this more in person tomorrow?

**Bruce:** i’d like that :)

**Thor:** <3

**Bruce:** <3

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Tuesday, 6:45**

**Tony:** well mr spock, i don’t think we’re in kansas anymore

**Steve:** nerd

**Tony:** superman stan

**Steve:** batman kinnie

**Tony:** bitch how

**Steve:** you adopt every middle schooler you see

**Tony:** no i dont

**Tony:** speaking of that, i met this kick ass eighth grader today

**Steve:** :/

**Tony:** yes i am aware that i’m proving your point but i dont care

**Tony:** his name is peter and he is fucking awesome

**Tony:** he’s kinda like that other kid, harley, i met before??

**Bucky:** can we meet him

**Tony:** no, you’d infect him with ur bullshit

**Bucky:** oh well

**Bucky:** clint when are we having kids

**Clint:** when you buy me a damn wedding ring

**Bucky:** babe i’m sorry, you know i got a pay cut and workers are being laid off

**Clint:** so how do you expect we provide for our children!?

**Bucky:** shit

**Bucky:** you’re right, i’m sorry babe

**Clint:** it’s okay darling, i love you

**Bucky:** want to get a dog instead?

**Clint:** how about we get a goldfish and a ringpop? then we both get what we want

**Bucky:** good plan, dollface

**Clint:** i love you bitch

**Bucky:** i aint ever gonna stop loving you bitch

**Tony:** anyway

**9:13 pm**

**Bucky:** you ever just wanna risk ur life for ur friend and devote years of ur life to them and then they leave you to go back in time to grow old with their lover who they already moved on from :/

**Steve:** are you okay

**Bucky:** i was dropped as a child

**Pietro:** im so fucking LIVID i am filled with RAGE

**Sam:** why

**Wanda:** our dad’s date came over for dinner and tro is mad bc he hasn’t left yet lmao

**Pietro:** wanda’s toaster is still here too!!!!!!!!!!

**Vis:** hey :/

**Wanda:** be nice to vis or i’ll draw dicks on your shoes!

**Pietro:** I WANT TO BE FREE FROM THE USELESS AWKWARD POLITENESS OF SOCIAL INTERACTION

**Loki:** bold of you to assume that pietro wouldn’t draw dicks on his shoes anyway

**Vis:** mr. xavier is like a stepfather-in-law to me

**Wanda:** they’re not dating dating yet but they are kind of dating?? anyway 5 bucks says they’re married before next year is over

**Pietro:** 20 bucks for before the end of this year

**Sam:** ur gonna lose $20 lmao

**Wanda:** actually he’s right. my bet was on the safe side. getting married to charles before the year is over sounds like something he would do

**Vis:** would your dad mind if i wore my bunny slippers to the wedding?

**Wanda:** i think he would actually love it if you did

**Vis:** nice

**Bucky:** hey pietro ur dad’s date might stay the whole night ;)

**Pietro:** WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU EW

**Bucky:** i love making pietro uncomfortable

**Bucky:** hey sam what if we kissed as a joke

**Sam:** as a joke?

**Bucky:** yes

**Sam:** i’m sure that would be a great joke :)

**Clint:** babycakes are you cheating on me????

**Bucky:** sweetheart i would never!

**Clint:** sounds fake but ok

**Bucky:** my darling :(

**_Clint > Bucky_ **

**Tuesday 9:21 pm**

**Bucky:** i need to ask you a question that could make things really awkward between us

**Clint:** go for it

**Bucky:** do you actually have feelings for me or are you playing along with the joke?

**Clint:** i’m just playing along with the joke

**Clint:** why? do you?

**Clint:** oof, sorry dude

**Bucky:** oh god no, i’m actually relieved

**Clint:** :/

**Bucky:** not that i wouldn’t date you in a heartbeat, but i sort of like someone else??

**Clint:** spill the tea, sis?

**Bucky:** gfkjdfjskldfjkls no omg

**Clint:** [image sent] [ID: “all right, then. keep your secrets.” frodo meme]

**Bucky:** i’m stealing that btw

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Wednesday, 3:21 am**

**Pietro:** update: charles is still here

**Loki:** why are you awake at 3 am?

**Pietro:** why are YOU awake at 3 am??

**Loki:** toosheigh

**Sam:** what

**Loki:** touche

**Sam:** i always thought it was pronounced like douche

**Pietro:** i thought it was tow-ch

**Loki:** what the fuck 

**10:42 am**

**Steve:** update: scott summers is really nice and all in all a good guy but wanda is right. he has the kind of face that you just want to punch

**Bruce:** how is the project going?

**Steve:** good! we’re almost done, actually. and it’s due on friday, so that’s pretty cool

**Pietro:** you stole my update thing :/

**Pietro:** update: charles left in the morning but he stayed the night

**Rhodey:** what did ur dad and charles do

**Pietro:** i think they just talked for hours and then went to sleep?? 

**Clint:** gay

**Pietro:** ikr smh

**Pietro:** can’t believe my dad is gay :/

**Bucky:** what if it’s genetic uwu

**Pietro:** oh no

**Steve:** JAMES BUCCANAN BARNES PUT THAT UWU AWAY RIGHT NOW

**Bucky:** i did it yall. i got steve to say uwu.

**Steve:** *sadly jingles my clown bells* *puts on my clown makeup* *puts on my clown shoes* *gets into my clown car* *drives to a clown bar to drink my clown shame*

**Tony:** disgustan

**Natasha:** i brought iced coffee to school so i could know what it feels like to be one of those bitches but the ice melted and now it’s all watery

**Tony:** hey :(

**Tony:** i’m one of those bitches

**Natasha:** how do you keep the ice from melting?

**Tony:** sheer willpower

**Thor:** you’re so cute all the time but hot damn that outfit today

**Loki:** hey thor

**Thor:** yeah

**Loki:** what chat are you in rn?

**Thor:** wdym

**Thor:** wait why are you here this is just me and beef

**Thor:** WAIT

**Thor:** FUCK

**Thor:** OH NO OH FUCK OH GOD

**Pepper:** who did you think you were sending that too??

**Rhodey:** yall we’re missing something important here

**Tony:** he’s right

**Rhodey:** THOR IS

**Tony:** DATING OR

**Rhodey:** FLIRTING WITH

**Tony:** SOMEONE!!!

**Vis:** did you coordinate that or are you two telepathically linked?

**Tony:** we’re telepathically linked

**Rhodey:** we rehearsed it when mr himbo first sent the message

**Tony:** dude :(

**Rhodey:** :/

**Bruce:** ...beef?

**Thor:** you know,, like bf,,,,,

**Clint:** oh my god

**11:04 am**

**Vis:** three people have asked me today if i’m naturally blond?? obviously i am???

**Bucky:** at least you don’t have ppl ask you  _ everyday _ about your prosthetic arm :/

**Vis:** yeah okay you win

**Tony:** ok but who is thor dating

**Sam:** as much as i love gossip, why do you care??

**Tony:** i have nothing better to do with my life

**Sam:** mood

**Bruce:** me

**Vis:** what?

**Bruce:** thor and i are dating

**Natasha:** WHAT

**Tony:** AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME????????

**Vis:** ohh that explains why i saw you two holding hands in class

**Clint:** WHAT

**Sam:** OH MY GOD

**Wanda:** i’m so happy for you guys!!

**Bruce:** it just happened today!!!!!!!! vultures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Steve:** congrats guys!

**Thor:** many thanks :)

**_Sam > Bucky_ **

**Wednesday, 12:59 pm**

**Sam:** if you were an animal you would be a parakeet because they have bastard vibes

**Bucky:** thank you =^)

**Sam:** what the fuck is that

**Sam:** dude?

**_Read✓_ **

**_early tumblr emo aesthetic_ **

**Wednesday, 1:34 pm**

**Clint:** can i please be added to your family groupchat because your dad is wild and i’d love to meet his husband

**Pietro:** they’re not married yet sadly and no you can’t

**Clint:** why not :(

**Pietro:** vis isnt even in it

**Wanda:** i just got an amazing idea

**Vis:** !!!!!

**Pietro:** NO

**Clint:** pleeaaasseeee

**Clint:** i spend 5% of my time at my house, 55% at natasha’s house, and 40% at your house

**Clint:** mr lehnsherr loves me

**Pietro:** at least vis is an in law :/ ur not even marrying in

**Clint:** hey tro

**Pietro:** no

**Pietro:** i would rather lick a tv remote than marry you

**Clint:** :/

**Wanda:** okay how about this, i’ll make a separate groupchat with vis and clint, and i’ll ask dad to add charles bc i dont have his number

**Clint:** splendid idea my good sir!

**_Wanda created groupchat_ **

**_Wanda named groupchat_ ** **_family season 2_ **

**_Wanda added Erik, Pietro, Clint, and Vis_ **

**Wednesday, 1:36 pm**

**Wanda:** hi dad!! can you please add charles?

**Erik:** Sure. What is this group chat for?

**Wanda:** vis and clint wanted to be included but pietro is a little bitch so i made a new one and we still have the old one :)

**Erik:** I would say “Language,” but I know it doesn’t work anymore.

**_Erik added Charles_ **

**_Erik changed groupchat name to_ ** **_family season 2 <3_ **

**Clint:** time to meet stepdad

**Pietro:** not ur stepdad :/

**Charles:** Hello!

**Clint:** mr stepdad sir i would die for you

**Wanda:** charles, this is my friend clint barton

**Charles:** Do you kids already think of me as a stepfather? That means a lot to me.

**Vis:** mr xavier you’re my stepdad-in-law legally

**Pietro:** i dont think thats how it works

**Clint:** mr lehnsherr can you adopt me?

**Erik:** That would be a lot of paperwork, son.

**Clint:** he called me son

**Pietro:** ur daddy issues are shining through

**Clint:** rude :/

**Wanda:** this was a mistake

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Thursday, 12:52 am**

**Bucky:** idk why everyone is so scared of advancements in robot and android technology……….why would they try to kill all humans….they’re our friends……………………..and maybe…….lovers?

**Steve:** buck what the fuck

**Wanda:** bucky i very much agree with you

**Vis:** so you would still love me if i was a robot?

**Wanda:** without question <3

**Vis:** <3

**Bruce:** actually vis would be an android bc androids look like humans

**Tony:** or they’d be a synthozoid

**Bruce:** ^

**Bucky:** whats a synthezoid

**Bucky:** nevermind i dont care

**Bruce:** sort of like a more human android?

**Tony:** uhh i think synthezoids have organs and can grow like humans but they’re still “robots”

**Bucky:** thanks, i hate it

**Vis:** hey, be nice

**Vis:** i’m a synthezoid and i find what you just said very offensive

**Bucky:** :/

**6:08 am**

**Thor:** why were you all awake at 1 am?

**Wanda:** 1 hour after the witching hour

**Vis:** my central processors needed to be recalibrated

**Bucky:** what does that even mean

**Vis:** idk but it sounded like something a robot would say

**Bruce:** homework

**Tony:** don’t lie we were watching friends reruns

**Bruce:** how could you expose me like this

**Steve:** i was actually doing homework

**Tony:** nobody say anything about how straight friends is ok we know

**Thor:** bruce you watched friends without me :(

**Bruce:** i texted you but you were asleep :(

**Thor:** OwO

**Steve:** THOR PUT THAT FACE AWAY RIGHT NOW

**Steve:** DISGUSTAN

**Bruce:** don’t be a hater just because you’re single

**Bucky:** LMAO HE GOT YOU

**Steve:** i came out to have a good time and i’m feeling so attacked right now

**_Thor > Bruce_ **

**Thursday 6:10 am**

**Thor:** do you want to go on a date to the science, art, and history museum this weekend?

**Bruce:** OH MY GOD YES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

**Thor:** :D

**Bruce:** our first date!!

**_Steve > Bucky_ **

**Thursday, 10:32 am**

**Steve:** so

**Bucky:** ?

**Steve:** when are you going to do something about sam

**Bucky:** haha i dont know what ur talking about oh look i have to go bye!

**Steve:** the constant staring at each other?? the awkward conversations and touches?? the absulutely disgusting giant fucking crush you have??

**Steve:** _i_ am physically in pain just from being on the outside of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Steve:** buck i love you but you have to do something

**Bucky:** oh no i’m getting another phone call! sorry i have to go! *hangs up*

**Steve:** mhm

**_Natasha > Sam_ **

**Thursday, 11:27 am**

**Natasha:** barnes huh

**Sam:** what?

**Natasha:** james buchanan barnes huh

**Natasha:** bucky

**Natasha:** buckeroo

**Sam:** whomst

**Natasha:** it’s so obvious, the only people oblivious to it are you and bucky!!!!

**Natasha:** please tell him about your feelings or get over it because the rest of us can _ not _ deal with the tension

**Sam:** lol what i’ve never liked someone ever lol i dont even know who bucky is oh is that a door?

**_Natasha > Steve_ **

**Thursday, 11:31 am**

**Natasha:** oh my god

**Natasha:** [screenshot sent]

**Steve:** [screenshot sent]

**Steve:** they’re so alike yet so different, and both so dumb

**Natasha:** it’s only been days since sam realized he likes bucky

**Natasha:** but this????? this has been happening for months

**Steve:** i think i’m actually going to explode if it goes on any longer

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Thursday, 12:12 pm**

**Loki:** it’s 12:12 make a wish

**Tony:** that’s 11:11

**Loki:** why do you always ruin my fun

**Tony:** it’s my favorite hobby :)

**Tony:** hey who wants to go to mcdonny’s for lunch

**Pepper:** m

**Pepper:** mcdonny….

**Sam:** old mcdonny had a farm

**Bucky:** E I E I O

**Rhodey:** ocean mcdonny take me by the mchandy

**Tony:** yeah yeah you guys have had your fun

**Tony:** so who wants to go to  _ mcdonalds _ for lunch

**Pepper:** mcdonny’s is nasty, can we go to subway instead

**Rhodey:** or jimmy johns

**Pepper:** wait yeah jimmy johns

**Tony:** but what about my mcnuggets :(

**Pepper:** fuck ya chicken strips

**Steve:** the lunch period is already half over tho??

**Tony:** why do you always ruin my fun

**Loki:** hey that’s my line

**Tony:** :)

**Bucky:** hey is for horses

**Sam:** *hay

**Sam:** it’s okay bucky :) i know you can’t spell :)

**Bucky:** hubby!!!!!!! sam is bullying me!!!!!!!!!!1!!!11!!!!1

**Sam:** ur phone did,,,,,,, did you type the one’s on purpose?

**Bucky:** yes

**Clint:** hubby, sam is right

**Clint:** hay

**Bucky:** moooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm

**Bucky:** kids at school are being mean :(

**3:45 pm**

**Pietro:** i can’t believe bruce and thor are dating now :/

**Pietro:** they’re just like wanda and vis

**Pietro:** disgusting

**Natasha:** what about me and pepper?

**Pietro:** you two are disgusting but if i say that you might kill me so :/

**Natasha:** haha what :) i would never kill someone :) i am a law abiding citizen :)

**Clint:** oh we both know that’s a lie

**Natasha:** i’ve never broken a law

**Pietro:** sounds fake. name one law.

**Natasha:** don’t kill people

**Pietro:** that’s on me, i set the bar too low

**_Clint > Erik_ **

**Thursday, 10:51 pm**

**Clint:** hi mr lehnsherr this is clint. i got your phone number from the groupchat. i know this is really sudden and it’s kind of late but can i stay over tonight? i usually stay at my friend’s house, natasha. i’m sure you know her, wanda and pietro have had her over at your house before. anyway, i feel really bad about staying at her house every time. i could stay with my brother barney but he lives too far away. idk why i’m telling you all this and i’ll probably just delete the message after i finish typi

**Clint:** OH FUCK OH NO

**Erik:** Language.

**Erik:** Sure, you can stay over. Are you okay walking over or should I pick you up?

**Clint:** i can walk. i’m sorry mr lehnsherr i didnt mean to send that

**Erik:** Don’t worry about it. I am happy to help. Can I ask why you are staying over?

**Clint:** is it okay if i dont want to talk about it?

**Erik:** Yes. You can sleep in Wanda or Pietro’s room or on the couch, if you prefer. Just text me when you are at the door.

**Clint:** thanks mr lehnsherr

**Clint:** wanda and pietro are really lucky to have a dad like you

**Erik:** No problem. 

**_Clint > Tony_ **

**Thursday, 10:56 pm**

**Clint:** how do you deal with ur dad being shitty

**Tony:** mostly just ignore my emotions and steal his credit card, why?

**Tony:** oh shit you okay?

**Clint:** yeah, i’m walking to wanda and tro’s house rn

**Tony:** do you want to talk about it?

**Clint:** not really, sorry

**Tony:** that’s okay

**Tony:** i’m here for you pal

**Clint:** thanks pal

**Tony:** pal

**Clint:** pal

**_Clint > Erik_ **

**Thursday, 11:02 pm**

**Clint:** i’m here

**_family <3_ **

**Friday, 6:30 am**

**Pietro:** can SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY I JUST WALKED INTO A NAKED CLINT IN THE SHOWER OH MY GOD I NEED TO BLEACH MY EYES

**Erik:** Why are you texting? I am only in the next room.

**Pietro:** because i’m the personification of what boomers think a teenager is, next question

**Wanda:** clint is here?

**Pietro:** YEAH AND I SAW MORE OF HIM THAN I WOULD EVER LIKE TO SEE

**Wanda:** so was that very manly shriek i heard you or him?

**Pietro:** BOTH OF US

**Erik:** Clint stayed overnight. 

**Wanda:** why? where did he sleep?

**Erik:** He slept on the couch.

**Pietro:** OKAY BUT WHY IS HE HERE????????

**Erik:** He did not want to talk about it.

**Pietro:** oh

**Wanda:** oh

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 9:22 am**

**Rhodey:** normally i’m fine waking up early but wow school really doesn’t have to start that early

**Tony:** ikr

**Pietro:** ikr

**Bucky:** ikr

**Wanda:** ikr

**Steve:** noobs

**Tony:** nobody has used that word in like 5 years

**10:34 am**

**Steve:** update: i met scott’s friends and they are so weird but in the best way and i think we should all meet

**Wanda:** worlds colliding

**Steve:** his friend/boyfriend(?) logan is the strangest tho

**Steve:** he acts like he’s, like, 30

**Wanda:** oh yeah logan is like that

**Wanda:** OH THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SPILL THE TEA!

**Pietro:** oh no

**Wanda:** scott and jean are dating but logan used to like jean (he doesn’t anymore as far as i know) but logan and scott still have that competitive rival thing BUT they also have sort of a thing?? they flirt all the time and poorly disguise it as arguing

**Bucky:** wow who would be stupid enough to disguise flirting as arguing

**Sam:** yeah i wonder who

**Wanda:** ..anyway no one actually knows what the three of them are doing but i’m pretty sure that logan, jean, and scott will eventually all date each other

**Pietro:** wait i thought logan and kurt were dating?

**Wanda:** yeah idk, either logan and kurt are deeply in love or they have a bromance that could save the world with the power of love

**Thor:** who is kurt?

**Wanda:** the sweetest and funniest kid at school no joke

**Loki:** hey i thought that was me :(

**Tony:** ………...sure loki, whatever helps you sleep at night

**Loki:** i’ll have you know that i am a delight

**Thor:** you are :)

**Loki:** see?

**Bruce:** i mean

**Bruce:** loki is definitely nicer than last year

**Loki:** see?

**Loki:** i am a god

**Tony:** i’m so glad i’m an only child

**11:06 am**

**Bucky:** woah sweaty i just noticed the giant bruise on ur face did you get in a fight??

**Sam:** sweaty

**Steve:** sweaty

**Natasha:** sweaty

**Bucky:** shut up it’s funny

**Clint:** no my scrumptious darling i didn’t get in a fight i just tripped

**Steve:** what did you trip on?

**Bucky:** a fist?

**Clint:** a rock

**Clint:** i’m fine guys lmao it was just a rock

**_Natasha > Clint_ **

**Friday, 11:08 am**

**Natasha:** your father?

**Clint:** yeah but i’m okay dont worry

**Natasha:** what happened?

**Clint:** he was drinking again and he got mad and hit me but i’m okay i stayed at wanda and pietro’s house after he fell asleep

**Natasha:** i’m glad you left but why didn’t you come to my house?

**Clint:** this is going to sound really dumb but i didn’t want to bother you

**Natasha:** oh honey you can always come over, i love you so much

**Clint:** i love you too nat <3

**Natasha:** <3

**Natasha:** do you want a distraction?

**Clint:** something illegal?

**Natasha:** sadly not, but just as fun

**Clint:** sign me up

**_Natasha created a groupchat_ **

**_Natasha added Clint and Steve_ **

**_Natasha named groupchat_ ** **_scheming >:)_ **

**Friday, 11:11 am**

**Natasha:** as you know, our dear friends sam and bucky are head over heels in like but they are too stupid to realize

**Clint:** hey that’s my husband

**Clint:** but i support this 

**Natasha:** good because we are going to get them together

**Steve:** they both come to me separately and complain about each other and gush about how much they like the other

**Steve:** it’s living hell

**Clint:** hey why are we the only ppl in this chat?

**Natasha:** well, my lovely girlfriend says she does not want to meddle in other people’s lives but really she just doesn’t want us to blow up her phone while she plays minecraft

**Steve:** understandable

**Natasha:** and i don’t trust anyone else not to blab to sam and bucky

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 11:20 am**

**Tony:** blonde bitches sound off

**Steve:** i am blond but am i a bitch?

**Tony:** yes

**Clint:** here <3

**Thor:** here!

**Tony:** thor, you have like, magical hair

**Thor:** ?

**Bruce:** wait tony is right

**Bruce:** in high fantasy there’s usually a character with super light blonde hair. almost unnatural

**Pietro:** am i a blond bitch?

**Tony:** hmmm

**Tony:** i guess :/ ur hair is white tho

**Pietro:** wow thanks :/

**Thor:** you can be magical hair buddies with me :)

**Pietro:** you know what? i would actually love that

**_scheming >:)_ **

**Friday, 12:47 pm**

**Steve:** oh my fucking god did you guys see them in 5th period today

**Clint:** disgusting. i almost took my hearing aids out.

**Natasha:** step one: almost complete

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 1:03 pm**

**Pepper:** who wants the math answers

**Tony:** wow, pepper. giving away math homework answers??? i’m so disappointed.

**Pepper:** that wasn’t me and you know it

**Pepper:** #4 is 3.56

**Pepper:** hey!!!!!

**Tony:** who could possibly be doing this to you!

**Pepper:** i’m going to feed you soggy corn chips

**Tony:** are you….. accusing me of doing this? my dearest virginia! i would never!

**Pepper:** #15 is 8/789997

**Pepper:** anthony!

**Tony:** virginia!

**Rhodey:** james!

**Bucky:** james!

**Pepper:** #3 is A

**Pepper:** tony if you’re going to give away the answers then do it on your own phone and stop hacking me

**Pepper:** tony is the hottest and sexiest and funniest and most datable person ever

**Pepper:** ANTHONY

**Tony:** FINE

**Tony:** okay i won’t do it anymore :’(

**Pepper:** i am going to give tony my chicken nuggies at lunch

**Tony:** well, you heard her folks

**Pepper:** oh my god

**Pepper:** tony you’re literally rich, you can buy extra. and stop hacking me

**Tony:** ugh fine

**Tony:** you’re no fun

**1:26 pm**

**Thor:** sometimes i like to squish grapes just to feel something

**Clint:** cool same

**Vis:** anyway,

**_early tumblr emo aesthetic_ **

**Friday, 1:53 pm**

**Pietro:** i’m adding loki

**Wanda:** why

**Pietro:** he is the textbook description of the chat name

**_Pietro added Loki_ **

**Loki:** sup fuckers

**Wanda:** how do you like your less cool platform boots?

**Loki:** i’m being bullied

**Vis:** ha ha

**Clint:** u laugh like a grandma

**Clint:** say lol or lmao like the rest of us

**Vis:** Ha Ha. That minion meme was very funny, Susan. Almost as funny as you stealing my pot roast recipe and passing it off as your own. Musty whore.

**Pietro:** wanda i was wrong

**Pietro:** you’re not married to a toaster, you’re married to a grandma

**Vis:** Respect your elders, young man.

**Loki:** you tell him, grandma

**Clint:** what have i done

**_Pietro > Clint_ **

**Friday, 2:00 pm**

**Pietro:** hey clit are you staying are my house again

**Clint:** 1) can’t you ask me in person? i’m literally sitting two desks away. you don’t even have to use ur vocal cords bc we both know asl. 2) please tell me that you  _ accidentally _ messed up my name

**Pietro:** ONE))))))) no i fucking cannot because i am the personification of what boomers think a teenager is. it’s like you and my dad are the same person god. TWOO))))))))) what do you think? >:)

**Clint:** ignoring that

**Clint:** idk i might stay if your dad is okay with it. is it weird if i say he’s a dilf?

**Pietro:** YES THAT IS VERY WEIRD

**Clint:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Pietro:** ANYWAY i just wanted to know bc you can sleep in my room if you want

**Pietro:** like a sleepover

**Clint:** hell yeah, we can paint each other’s nails and gossip about cute boys

**Pietro:** duh

**Pietro:** oh also my dad’s bf is probably coming over again. it’s only been like two days and i swear he lives here now

**Clint:** omg i can finally meet mr stepdad in person!!!!!!!!

**Pietro:** nevermind you cant stay over. ur actually banned from my house until further notice

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 2:47 pm**

**Rhodey:** i am so cool

**Rhodey:** i am a genius holy shit

**Rhodey:** i’m so smart

**Natasha:** what did you do?

**Pepper:** i can smell trouble coming

**Rhodey:** i figured out how to make tony do anything

**Bucky:** i feel like i already know the answer to this and i am so ready to be right

**Rhodey:** just give him a big ole kiss on the lips :)

**Rhodey:** he’s hacking my phone to make minecraft free as we speak

**Pepper:** ….how can we be sure that tony isn’t rhodey rn?

**Rhodey:** he’s doing it on his laptop

**Bucky:** why would you willingly kiss tony smh

**Rhodey:** he was surprisingly not bad

**Tony:** wow thanks

**Natasha:** so is minecraft free in the app store now or just for you?

**Rhodey:** just for me :) he sure knows how to make a guy feel special

**Pepper:** i knew i smelled trouble

**Tony:** what, a dude can’t kiss his oldest friend on the lips? a dude can’t kiss his bro and then give him minecraft for free, huh? hm? do you have a problem with this?

**Pepper:** (i can already see where this is heading)

**Sam:** (friends to lovers, 200k slowburn, minecraft gamer au)

**Bucky:** (i would read that)

**Sam:** (i know)

**Clint:** (why are we whispering)

**Bucky:** (don’t worry babe just go with it)

**Clint:** (okay thanks my scrumptious darling)

**Pepper:** (oh my god)

**Bruce:** thor can i kiss tony so he can buy me stuff

**Thor:** only if i can too <3

**Bruce:** deal <3

**Tony:** I AM NOT A SUGAR DADDY

**Steve:** scott is sitting next to me on the bus and he just looked at my phone with the most monotone, blank expression and said “looks exactly like my groupchat”

**Steve:** i don’t know what to do with this information

**Wanda:** i have screenshots, wanna see?

**Tony:** oh my god yes

**Rhodey:** is this an invasion of privacy

**Wanda:** not if i send them screenshots from this chat

**Rhodey:** okay that’s fair let’s see these screenshots

**Wanda:** [screenshot sent]

**_Jean:_ ** _ WANDA _

**_Jean:_ ** _ UR NOT-YET-STEPDAD IS SO COOL _

**_Scott:_ ** _ he’s okay _

**_Jean:_ ** _ shut up scott _

**_Logan:_ ** _ shut up scott _

**_Pietro:_ ** _ shut up scott _

**_Scott:_ ** _ when they ask you if your fine and your not really fine _

**_Hank:_ ** _ *you’re, *you’re _

**_Scott:_ ** _ :/ _

**_Wanda:_ ** _ lol thanks jean, i’ll screenshot and send this to him _

**Wanda:** [screenshot sent]

**_Kurt:_ ** _ english is so hard _

**_Rogue:_ ** _ as someone who’s first language is english, you’re so right _

**_Remy:_ ** _ yeah english is disgusting _

**_Scott:_ ** _ logan why were you flirting with my gf :( _

**_Logan:_ ** _ you and jean aren’t even dating???? _

**_Jean:_ ** _ yes we are??? _

**_Scott:_ ** _ wait no he’s right. we broke up last week, remember? _

**_Jean:_ ** _ oh yeah _

**_Jean:_ ** _ want to get back together? _

**_Scott:_ ** _ only to make logan mad _

**_Logan:_ ** _ i want to punch you in the face so hard right now. with my mouth. _

**Wanda:** [screenshot sent]

**_Ororo:_ ** _ ew the pyromaniac kid is looking at us _

**_Kitty:_ ** _ gross _

**_Logan:_ ** _ can you all please shut up i’m trying to do homework _

**_Scott:_ ** _ literally just put your phone on mute like the rest of us _

**_Scott:_ ** _ oh i’m sorry i forgot you’re actually a 40 year old man stuck in a teenager’s body _

**_Jean:_ ** _ boys be nice _

**_Logan:_ ** _ you’re so insufferable scott _

**_Scott:_ ** _ i hate you so much i wanna hold your hand and kiss you _

**_Kurt:_ ** _ let’s change the subject before scott can embarrass himself any further _

**Wanda:** [screenshot sent]

**_Logan:_ ** _ get your head out of your ass, pretty boy _

**_Scott:_ ** _ god you’re so fucking full of yourself _

**_Scott:_ ** _ you think i’m pretty? _

**_Logan:_ ** _ a little _

**_Jean:_ ** _ you’re both so fucking stupid _

**_Jean:_ ** _ i’m rethinking my life choices _

**_Jean:_ ** _ anyone want to date me instead of these two bozos? _

**_Rogue:_ ** _ i’ll do it _

**_Remy:_ ** _ babe :( _

**_Rogue:_ ** _ it’s okay babe we’ll elope as soon as jean and i break up _

**Wanda:** okay i guess every screenshot i have is just logan and scott being dumb

**Wanda:** and i just sent them every screenshot of someone in this chat doing something very stupid, so they got a lot more screenshots

**Tony:** we have to have a crossover immediately

**Tony:** i need all of these ppl in my life right now

**Pietro:** trust me, you don’t

**Tony:** um i think i do

**_Siblings Siblings_ **

**Friday, 4:04 pm**

**Hela:** guess who’s back in town bitches

**Loki:** oh great, my least favorite sibling

**Hela:** aw <3 you’re my least favorite as well

**Thor:** so does that mean i’m both of your favorites?

**Hela:** yes

**Loki:** i guess :/

**Thor:** fuck yeah :) <3

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 4:17 pm**

**Sam:** yeah, and bucky? bucky is BAKING. CREME BRULEE.

**Sam:** “oh what’s that?”

**Bucky:** oh, it’s a creamy custard like filling with a caramelized surface. it’s REALLY satisfying <3

**Sam:** shut up, bucky!

**Tony:** what is happening

**Bucky:** how dare she sign up???????? i’ve already picked out the colors for my dressing room!!!!!!!!

**Sam:** and she hasn’t even asked our permission to join the drama club

**Bucky:** someone’s got to tell her the rules.

**Sam:** exactly. and what are the rules?

**Tony:** hello???? what’s happening here??????????????

**Bucky:** (here’s a good one for tony)

**Bucky:** EVAPORATE, TALL PERSON!

**Tony:** hey :/

**Sam:** well, you sound like you’ve done a lot of singing too.

**Bucky:** yeah, my showerhead is very impressed with me.

**Tony:** why is no one else here rn, please help me

**Bucky:** this school is about more than just young men in baggy shorts flinging balls for touchdowns!

**Sam:** baskets. uh, they shoot baskets.

**Tony:** oh my fucking god

**Tony:** are you two quoting high school musical at each other??

**Sam:** we wanted to see how long it would take someone to notice

**Bucky:** apparently no one cares enough to see our glorious rendition of high school musical :(

**Sam:** we spent so much time on it :(

**Tony:** hm. sad.

**Sam:** :/

**Bucky:** :/

**_scheming >:)_ **

**Friday, 4:20 pm**

**Clint:** anyone else see what just happened

**Steve:** yup

**Natasha:** yup

**Natasha:** i think at this point we should just abandon our half-baked plan and lock them in a room together until they figure it out

**Clint:** i’m so on board with that

**Steve:** same let’s fucking do it (not actually tho right?)

**Natasha:** (probably not. we’ll see)

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Friday, 10:53 pm**

**Steve:** whoever decided to draw a dick on my math homework i hope you die

**Sam:** oh yeah that was me

**Steve:** it’s in permanent marker

**Sam:** :)

**Steve:** i wish i was still a skinny beanpole because then ppl would feel bad about bullying me

**Natasha:** tough luck hunk

**Pepper:** no hetero but yeah you’re very muscular

**Clint:** “no hetero” lmao

**Steve:** sam pls i can’t turn this in

**Steve:** this is so homophobic

**Sam:** [image sent] [ID: “guess i’ll homophobe” meme]

**Tony:** are we bullying steve? my favorite hobby :)

**Steve:** :/

**Bruce:** wow steve i can’t believe you’re doing homework at 11 pm

**Tony:** yeah i thought you were better than this steve

**Steve:** mom pick me up they’re bullying me

**Thor:** [video sent] [VD: a kitten climbs a man up to his chest with it’s little claws]

**Bucky:** OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

**Vis:** WHAT THE FUCK I’M DYING I NEED THAT CAT RIGHT NOW

**Loki:** thor thor thor thor thor we need a cat. we can get it for hela as a coming home present as an excuse please oh my god please please please

**Pietro:** friendship breaking question: dogs or cats

**Clint:** wow you love drama huh

**Pietro:** drama is my middle name

**Wanda:** okay pietro django maximoff

**Pietro:** :/

**Clint:** well obviously i’m a dog person

**Loki:** i’m a cat person

**Tony:** (trying so hard not to make a catgirl/catboy joke rn)

**Loki:** (i am not ashamed of my aesthetic thank you very much)

**Sam:** i think i speak for all of us when i say that i like both

**Bucky:** yeah

**Pepper:** yeah

**Wanda:** yeah

**Bruce:** yeah

**Tony:** yeah

**Steve:** yeah

**Natasha:** yeah

**Pietro:** yeah

**Vis:** yeah

**Rhodey:** yeah

**Thor:** yeah

**Steve:** back to my homework

**Tony:** not everything is about you

**Steve:** ANYWAY

**Steve:** what do i do????

**Wanda:** white out

**Pietro:** draw more dicks with more permanent marker on top of the original dick so it’s indistinguishable

**Pepper:** how are you twins???

**Pietro:** well, when a man and a woman love each other very much

**Wanda:** our father is a hoe

**Pepper:** nevermind

**Steve:** okay i taped a picture of chris evans that i ripped out of a magazine on it and i hope i get extra credit

**Natasha:** you uh

**Natasha:** you kinda look like chris evans

**Rhodey:** oh god he does

**Bucky:** i’ve been friends with chris evans for years and i never realized?????

**Sam:** he’s been right under our noses this whole time

**Tony:** i’m sorry can we go back to the fact that steve still reads magazines?? everything is digital now baby

**Steve:** ok zoomer

**_Sam > Bucky_ **

**Saturday, 6:34 pm**

**Bucky:** hi

**Sam:** hi?

**Bucky:** so i kind of want to tell you something but everytime i try in person i choke on my words and everytime i try to text it i end up deleting it before i can send and banging my head on a pillow

**Sam:** what’s up? you’re freaking me out a little now lol

**Bucky:** i think ur kinda cute sometimes

**Bucky:** but all the other times ur super ugly

**Sam:** thanks, especially for that last part :/

**Bucky:** i’m sorry, i dont think ur ugly. i sort of actually think ur cute all the time

**Sam:** i’m just messing with you lmao dude. and uh

**Sam:** i kind of maybe think you’re cute too

**Sam:** maybe

**Bucky:** cool

**Sam:** cool

**_Natasha > Vis_ **

**Saturday, 9:02 pm**

**Natasha:** hey lil mama lemme lick your earlobe

**Natasha:** no response? wow. and to think i sent this to everyone in my contact list just for no one to respond

**_Read✓_ **

**_cows do NOT say moo FUCK YOU!!!!!!_ **

**Saturday, 11:45 pm**

**Tony:** let’s say goodnight

**Thor:** goodnight

**Tony:** not like that

**Thor:** :(

**Tony:** i’m sorry :( now i feel bad

**Bruce:** rip tony

**Tony:** anyway goodnight roll call

**Tony:** i changed my mind i don’t want to do a goodnight one

**Steve:** :/

**Tony:** every friend group has

**Tony:** big tiddy identity crisis

**Wanda:** here

**Pietro:** here

**Clint:** tro you dont have tits

**Pietro:** says who, the government?

**Tony:** sweet but no brain

**Thor:** here!

**Vis:** here i think?

**Sam:** here

**Tony:** omnipotent god

**Loki:** here <3

**Sam:** here

**Bucky:** here

**Natasha:** here

**Loki:** saying “here” again to really cement it

**Tony:** wine step mom

**Tony:** here

**Pepper:** here

**Tony:** encyclopedia bitch

**Bruce:** here

**Vis:** here, i guess i do have a brain :(

**Tony:** the one with goals

**Pepper:** here

**Steve:** here

**Rhodey:** here? maybe?

**Tony:** unbridled rage

**Clint:** here

**Natasha:** lmao ok

**Clint:** :/

**Bruce:** here

**Wanda:** here

**Tony:** rich

**Tony:** here <3

**Thor:** here

**Loki:** here <3

**Steve:** tony you stole this from tiktok

**Tony:** you cant prove anything

**Tony:** wait wait i have a better response hold on

**Tony:** yeah and? what are you gonna do about it, huh?

**Steve:** hm

**Steve:** you got me there

**Tony:** actually i changed my mind again lets do a goodnight one

**Steve:** it better be original or i’m suing

**Tony:** ugh fine

**Tony:** goodnight to pretty bitches, goodnight to petty bitches, goodnight to assholes with glasses or no glasses, goodnight to fuckers who drink milk before bed (ew why would you do that. i’m judging you so hard rn), goodnight to everyone who passed the history test last week, goodnight to the fly in my room that always buzzes but i can never FUCKING SEE, goodnight to clint’s purple phone case, goodnight to everyone who is jealous of my heelies, goodnight to ur mom, goodnight to my brain, which is running out of ideas, and most of all, goodnight moon<3

**Wanda:** ……are we supposed to say here?

**Tony:** no <3

**Clint:** i better have gotten character development this week because i’m hot as shit

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked it!! i have so many wips but decided to ignore them all and write a 10k marvel textfic lmao. comment or i'll eat your homework (just kidding........unless?)


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